Out of Gas
by WillowMina
Summary: A series of vignettes based on Inara's thoughts during the episode, Out of Gas. Part of The Memoirs of Inara Serra
1. The Explosion

It was, for once, almost a normal day. Kaylee had found out that it was Simon's birthday from an arrest warrant on the Cortex, of all places, and so she'd made him a cake. Nothing special, just protein. But after all, it's the thought that counts.

She presented him with the cake after dinner. It's one of the few times that the whole crew gets to spend time together. But it was then that it happened. When River said "Fire." - we thought she was referring to the candles. Now, well I just can't be sure.

We felt the heat before we saw the flames, it was incredible. Hotter than anything I've ever experience before. Zoe had the foresight to push Kaylee out of the way - it was an act that almost cost her her life.

It's hard to remember just exactly what I was feeling when the explosion happened. But it was the start of an experience that I will never forget.


	2. Fingers of Death

I shiver as I pile more clothes onto myself. It's quite terrifying to think that these few layers of fabric are all that are stopping me from becoming so cold that my body will start to shut down.

I never imagined as we felt the unbearable heat of the flames caused by the explosion that in a few short hours we would be at the other extreme. But the main engine had gone, and the back-up power wasn't working. We were stranded, no power, no heat, and very soon, no air.

The feeling isn't pleasant. First you start to feel the cold in any unprotected extremities, fingers go numb, and quite disconcertingly, the tips of the ears. Next the cold seems to strike into your very bones. Almost as if it's found it's way inside you and is trying to chill you from the inside out.

The muscles grow stiff, and you find yourself not wanting to move from a spot which you've been occupying for a while, not only because it's absorbed your body heat, and if you move you can't get that heat back, but because each movement takes so long and causes so much pain that it hardly seems worth it.

And in the midst of all this, Zoe lay unconscious. Blissfully unaware of the cold, the lack of air, the frightening reality that this might be the end.

I can't help but wonder what happens when you freeze to death. Are you aware of it all? Can your brain register the fact that your body is slowly shutting itself down. Do you realise that your fingers have stopped moving, that the only part of you that you have strength to move is your chest, gasping for the cold air that chills your lungs, causing you to cough so hard that it feels as if your throat is coated with gravel. Can you feel death creeping up on you, placing his icy fingers round your throat, squeezing until you don't have the strength to draw breath. Or does your brain shut down first, so that you slip from this life without realising.

I shiver as I feel the ship getting ever colder - It scares me.


	3. Anxiety

"_Wuh de ma,_ Inara." Jayne came storming into the cockpit of the shuttle as we flew away from _Serenity_. "What in the 'verse you been doin' to this shuttle. Smells like it's gonna blow up any second or somthin'."

I take a deep breath before I reply. "It's incense, Jayne. It doesn't affect the shuttle in any way. Trust me."

"Well, I ain't sure," he continues, "and I wanna get as far as possible, more chance of survivin' that way."

At his words something snaps inside of me. Normally I have no trouble keeping my temper. But today, well, it's different.

"Just go away, Jayne!" My voice is harsher than usual, and he takes the hint. Leaving the cockpit whilst still muttering about somthing not being right.

I take several breaths to calm my nerves. It's certainly been a day that none of us will really want to remember. Although I can't help feeling that if the worst happens, it will stay in my memory as being the last time I saw... I saw him.

I turn sharply as I hear the curtain that conceals the cockpit from the rest of the shuttle from view being drawn aside, but let a smile come to my face as I see that it's Kaylee. She looks worried as she sits down.

"What if she don't make it, Inara?"

I pause, I think that if it were anyone else I would assume they were talking about Zoe, but as it's Kaylee, well. "_Serenity_ will make it, Kaylee. Even if we have to get another ship to take that part back. You'll see her again."

As I speak these words my voice cracks. I can't help thinking about someone who might not make it, and the anxiety that I'm feeling makes itself heard.

"I'm sorry Inara." Kaylee bites her lower lip, tears coming to her eyes. "Here I am worrying 'bout the ship, when really I should be worrying 'bout the Cap'n. He's got less chance than _Serenity_."

"He has." I agree, and we sit for a moment in silence. Before Jayne comes in once again.

"This ain't right - who's up for goin' back for the Cap'n?"

I can hear Kaylee and Book saying yes. But it doesn't matter that I'm not saying a word, as I'm already turning the shuttle around.


End file.
